Once Again

I am ready to try. It's been several weeks of just eating whatever I want. Every Monday I "mean" to get back to business, but I haven't. But today I will...I have.

I have been watching a lot of Dr. Oz specials and they have scared me. He is talking to people who have maybe 50 lbs to lose and he is telling them how at risk they are for all these terrible health things and all I can think is, "then what am I?" I think he'd have a field day with me. I think because I got turned down for lap-band because I was "too healthy" fooled me into thinking that it was only my size that was a problem.

So the focus is on eating better. I plan to still count calories, but the main focus is to eat more healthy.

The scale said 341.2 this morning. So at least I am still below my highest weight.

At 3FC today, 2 people today have lost 100 lbs since January. It makes me sad that if I had just started trying, I could be there too. 6 months. I could possibly lose 100 lbs in 6 months. I could be 241 for Jacob's birthday. Hmmmm

Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir

I just finished reading the book Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir . I like to read books written by people that I have encountered on the internet. I can't say people that I "know" because I don't really "know" Jennette, although I have received a package from her in the mail! :) Jennette is the blogger over at half of me known as pasta queen. I have been reading her blog for quite a while and enjoy it quite a bit. I like her honesty, I like her humor and I like her perspective. I am inspired by the fact that she lost 191 lbs considering that I have 200 to lose myself.

I really enjoyed her book. It is well written, easy to read and tells her story. What it doesn't do is tell you what to eat, how much and when. It's not that kind of story. If you are looking for all the answers, this isn't it. But if you are looking for some motivation, inspiration and some smiles, then go buy this book.

I'd like to continue to keep my head in the sand...

but all I keep thinking is that some of you have been asking how I am doing. I need to respond.

340.6 is what the scale said this morning. Back up to where I was. Not my highest of 345.8. but darn close. As you suspected, I haven't been on plan since my last post. It really bums me out that I cannot manage to stay on plan more than a week or 2. It doesn't make logical sense. I know I need to do this, I know what it is costing me. But somehow I mange to turn a blind eye.

I should be back on plan today, but I am fearful of continuing to do the same thing because I will continue to get the same results. So my plan for today is not really to be "on plan" but not snack. If I didn't snack in between meals that alone would cut out so many calories and massive amounts of sugar. At this point, I am going to see if I can lose 1 lb a week with a less restrictive plan that I will stay with. When I am on plan, my snacks are healthy and moderate, but then when I go off, they are more frequent, pure sugar and loaded with calories. I need to find a way to change my habits. So I am trying to put less focus on food. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. That's it. Simple, simple.

A dear friend of mine and I were brain-storming about why I am like this...here is some of what she had to say.

So what’s holding you back and sending you off-plan over and over again? I think it’s the role that food plays in your life. Food is SO much more than fuel for you. Let’s make a list – it’s: recreation, escape, comfort, your best friend, enjoyment, a feel-good drug, entertainment, fun, satisfaction, a reward …. YOU fill the blank! The fact that the purpose of food is to nourish your body is almost irrelevant to you. Because, for you, it’s so very much more and what it does for you has almost nothing to do with nutrition.

I think the reason that it’s so difficult for you to stick to your plan is that you have a very hard time giving up all these things that food does for you. It’s part of every aspect of your life. Just like you posted in your blog, not having your favorite drug of choice leaves a huge void in your life that makes you very uncomfortable and maybe a little sad? Food (lots of yummy food) makes you feel good, and not having it makes you feel bad. Not having your food is almost as if someone you loved died or moved away and is gone from your life. I think it might be that simple.

I read something recently that said that human nature is always to do what feels good. Food feels good to you, and you go along sticking to your plan for a while, and then you snap and it’s like falling into the arms of your lover. You feel guilty, but it feels sooo good at the same time.

The question is: how to change the role of food in your life? How can you make food be fuel for your body but not the source of pleasure in your life?

So that's what I am trying to do. Not make food the source of pleasure in my life. I have an appointment with my weight loss doctor today. I am going to ask her to prescribe me a anti-depressant. I think it might help me get past the being sad and missing my food.

Thank you guys for caring enough to ask. I know how easy it would be to let me fall by the way-side and I really appreciate the comments.

Hmmmm

So after my stellar job on Friday, I went off plan on Saturday and Sunday and Monday and I am not doing so hot today.

I started my cycle this morning, so I think that was to blame. I never knew I had such cravings or that it effected me so much. Maybe things have changed since I went off the pill, I don't know.

What I do know is that I still want this and I need to get my head back in the game.

Go Me!!

I did what I said I was going to do! I got back on plan. This was a 1st for me and now I need to continue it for the weekend. The scale was up a lb which isn't exactly the reward that I was hoping for. :(

Miss Me?

I have been teaching off-site for 2 days where I don't have internet access and I was too busy to post at home. Things have been plodding along quite nicely.

Tuesday was 1553 calories and I went for a walk with the family
Wednesday was 1582 and I did water aerobics.

Then...there was yesterday. I don't know what happened, but it happened. I came home from work and was hungry, but I was saving my calories for a planned dinner of pizza with my mom. Then Steve & Jacob left for baseball practice. Leaving me alone in the house and hungry. I was supposed to go work out, but I was skipping it because my legs were bothering me. That's when I got out the bag of sun chips and started eating them...no measuring, no planning, just eating. Then I had a piece of cheese...then I was making bags of trail mix for the week, so I indulged there and then I had a piece of toast with butter. Finally I quit eating, I think mainly because it was time to go to my mom's. I had my planned pizza, but grabbed 2 miniature reeces peanut butter cups on the way out the door. Thoughts of donuts for breakfast or a bacon, egg and cheese bagel swirled in my head. This is how it always goes for me. 1 slip and then I am gone. But somehow this morning, my head was clear and I am on plan. My food for the day is already logged into fitday and my mind is on the prize.

I went back and adjusted yesterdays fitday to include my binge. I don't want to hide from it. 2216 calories. (approximate, since I didn't measure anything) 616 over. That will not kill me. What will kill me is not moving on and continuing on my quest to get healthy.



I have a busy weekend planned with a project around the house, so I feel confident that I won't be "sitting around" being tempted by food. My BFF Laurie and I are going to dinner tonight, but we always eat at Ruby Tuesdays where I can get a white bean chicken chili and a salad.

It's about consistency, not perfection.

Being on plan is dull

I have always known that food was my entertainment. So now that my food is all planned out & logged for the whole day, there isn't much to do or think about as far as food goes. It's pretty boring. It's not that I don't have enough to keep me busy, but my constant snacking on yummy sweets & stuff was a pleasant (and constant) pop to my day. Keep in mind, that I would snack all day long. Cookies here, candy bar there. Now I just eat the food I brought, no thinking. I did all my thinking last night and entered it into fitday.

Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining and I am not about to go off plan. I am just stating the reality of my personal situation. It's very strange to be living without the constant food and the thinking about what I want, going to get it and then eating it.

I am enjoying all the food I eat, that's not it. It's like a friend who you e-mailed back & forth all day and then all of a sudden she quits e-mailing you. Something's missing. I assume over time I will get used to it.

Yesterday was good. I went to water aerobics and stuck to my calorie limit!

Week 1 Results!

This morning I weighed in at 331.8! That's a loss of 7.6. And that was only 5 days! I love the 1st week! :) I was down a bit to start, add in the 7.6 and that puts me at a total loss of 14 lbs!!

Yesterday was good. People used to say that they practically had their fitday all filled in for the next day the night before and I never understood how they could do that. I do now. Today is all filled in, I just need to keep an eye on it for changes. It really helps to have it all planned out!

Yesterday:

Day 5

I had an awesome workout at the gym yesterday. (yes, this is Sandi's blog your reading) I went to Y again. Last time I did a mile on the treadmill at 2.3. Yesterday I did 1.41 miles at 2.5 with every 5th minute at 2.6. It felt great, I felt great! :)

The babies were cute. I was disappointed that my camera battery was dead, so I don't have any cute pictures to share with you.

Here was yesterday. The boys wanted Dairy Queen and I rediscovered the DQ fudge bar. Only 50 calories and 6 grams of fiber! That's awesome.

Day 4

Day 4 and still going strong. I can't wait until it's Day 40 and then Day 400!! One day at a time.

I didn't end up working out yesterday. I could bore you with all my very valid excuses, but let's just go with - I didn't. I'm OK with that. If I end up working out 6 out of 7 days, I am certainly not going to beat myself up over it!!

I think you guys are right. I need to focus on staying under 1600 for now and slowly try to adjust things. I am finding 1600 calories pretty doable without too much wiggle room for extra junk.

Today I went and saw my friend Amanada and her 5 month old baby for the 1st time. Such a little cutie!!! Soon I am off to the gym and then we are babysitting my 5 month old niece and nephew tonight. I guess it's baby day!!! We are having pizza since we will be at their house babysitting. I checked all over and Dominoes seems to be the best choice as far as pizza is concerned. I have it all calculated out and there won;t be any left over pizza - so no chance of grabbing another slice.

For the past few days my digestive system has been all messed up. I can't imagine why. I feel fine otherwise. It's been so bad that I had to take an imodium just to get through my classes on Thursday and Friday. *yuck*

Here is my fitday from yesterday!