I have spent the week stressing about the lap-band surgery. You see Monday is my 12th appointment. That means I am done. I have fulfilled the Insurance requirement. Now it's time to have the Doctor write a letter of recommendation and see if I can get approved. So why am I stressing? Well, because I have pretty much talked myself out of the surgery. When I got delayed AGAIN in September I thought that I would be able to lose a bunch of weight between then and now and not need the surgery. But here I am and I am still pretty much the same weight I was 6 months ago not to mention 12 months ago when I started this whole process. :( I was so gung ho in September, now...not so much.
I am scared. Scared of the possible complications of the surgery. Scared of the rules and limitations. Scared that I won't be successful even with the band. Scared I still won't do it.
When I read about what I will have to go through...I think "oh no way! I'll just do it on my own!" But then time passes and I don't. I think I know in my heart that I need this, I just don't want it. I wanted to be someone who did it on their own. You see all the magazines "Lost 150 lbs! No surgery, no pills!" Makes me feel like the surgery is a cop-out. Now I know better than that, but I am not looking forward to having to defend myself. And I also afraid that people will be expecting a quicker weight loss than I will have, after all, this isn't gastric.
With all that said I am disappointed that I care so much what other people think. I always prided myself on not caring. I guess I do.
So today I went and got my cholesterol tested because I think I need that turned in with the doctor's recommendation. I figure if I can get approved in the next few weeks, that MAYBE I can attend the nutritional seminar (AGAIN) in March or April, putting my surgery in April or May.
We are taking a vacation in the middle of June, so I should be recovered by then.
I need to do something. I am going to start with changing my mindset. I am going to start doing TONS of research and plan on being the best (most successful) lap-band patient my surgeon has ever seen. I want to be their poster child!! I want to know what's coming and do what I am supposed to do! I can start with becoming as active as possible because that will definately be what I have to be after the band. I would also like to get down to 315 (at least) before the liquid stage of the surgery. If I can do that and then hopefully drop another 15 during the 2 week (hell) liquid stage then I will be 300 and that's where he really wants me for surgery!
Here is a smile for you. This is my dog Bailey. He cracks me up!
6 comments:
Hi Sandi,
I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I don't. Other than to say I am behind you and I support you whatever you decide.
Hugs,
Jen
Hi Sandi. I found your blog thru one of your 3fc posts (i think it was about names). For some reason I found your blog to be a true inspiration for me. I admire your courage and your will power... I have not been able to lose a gram! and i get very angry at myself and sad too, but reading your posts (you write beautifully) filled me with hope and renewed my intention to live a healthy life and find that woman that hides inside of me too. Thank you.
OMG Bailey is adorable! I am in love! <3
Sandi, my mom got lapband surgery a few years ago. It was hard for her at first, getting adjusted. Surgery is NOT a cop out, and I hate that people think it is. I've seen how hard she works and it makes me very proud.
I think she would recommend it 100%. She looks fantastic and she is doing stuff physically she probably never would have thought she could have done. I remember when we were going on college tours 7 years ago, she just couldn't keep up. now she walks faster than me! It makes me proud to see how far she's come and that she was willing to take a risk to get there.
Honestly, Sandi, I think it would be great for you. It's so easy to psych yourself out about these things because you're scared that you "still won't do anything," but I think it will give you the tools you need to succeed. It's a very personal decision but I just wanted to let you know that I know firsthand how much it can do for people, and I hope that you give it some more thought. It's not a cop out at all, and it won't make you any less legitimate as weight loser! :)
-Dana (djs06 from 3fc) :)
Sandi, I can totally understand being scared but in my mind it is a matter of perspective. On one hand you can keep on the way you have and being honest and this is not a criticism because I'm not God's gift to weight loss, but it has been a struggle and maybe will continue to be a struggle all your life. On the other hand you can have the surgery. I'm not saying it is waving a magic wand over you and transforming you into Cinderella but it is certainly a huge, giagantic kick in the derriere that will get you started in the right direction. You cannot help but lose weight after you have the surgery and continuing to lose weight after a certain point will definately be up to you. Please check out this site www.onefatbitchypoo.com I think I have passed this site onto you before, this woman has just passed her 2 year anniversary and she looks and feels fantastic. She has done things in the past 2 years that I bet she wouldn't have done before the surgery.
I think you will do well with the surgery. I think you just need to get that first 50lbs off or so and then you won't even consider going back to any of the habits that got you to this point. I think you will rediscover so much energy and vigor that we'll be calling you the enegizer bunny because you won't be stopping for 2 seconds.
Sandi, considering surgery is very brave and definately not a cop out. Losing weight is probably the hardest thing in the world, I think it has got to be harder than quitting smoking or drugs or alcohol and there is nothing wrong with WLS to help you with it.
You know that I am a firm supporter of WLS and if I had a hope of being able to get it without waiting forever in this country I would do it. I think that if you have the opportunity to do it then get the paperwork started. If you change you mind later it is okay too but I think the more you look into it the more you will that this might be the right answer. I remember reading a bariatric surgeon who had said that some overweight people will never be able to lose the weight without surgery no matter what they do, maybe you are falling into this category.
Anyway I will get off my soapbox now and leave you to it. I hope you will look at that website, this woman is an amazing writer, her blog is a must read for me everyday.
Jen
Of course its scary, after all its a big step and you have to be completely sure its what you want (or need).
You're right to read and absorb everything - be the most informed person on the planet about the whole thing from surgery to recovery to short and long range expectations.
You're either going to feel better or worse after boning up on it all, but either way it'll help you make the decision.
Whatever you do, we're here to support and care!
Happy Valentine's Day!
Jill
Bailey makes me smile
That would be such a tough decision and it sounds like you are really researching it. I would in no way consider it a copout. From what I've read it's one of the hardest ways to lose weight because of all the challenges that come with it once it's done. You have a great support system and I know that's key to succeeding.
Post a Comment