more than just talking about it

The scale has been a source of frustration for me this week. It was up 2 lbs for no reason from Sunday to Monday and then despite my continued effort it stayed the same and then went up another lb. So yesterday, the scale was up, I didn't have to work and I just didn't care what I ate. Didn't care at all. So I soothed my inner brat and told myself that I could eat what I wanted, but I had to write it down. So I had 2 cheddar biscuits & chips for breakfast, a candy bar in the afternoon and even a burger (made at home) for dinner. All in all, 2655 calories, ...and the scale was down this morning!! WHATEVER!!! But before an "I don't care day" would have ruined everything and sent me back to square one. But today, I am on plan, counting and writing. Freaking amazing! I know calories will be high this weekend. Friday I have Bunco at my house, Saturday is a wedding and Sunday is Mother's Day. I'd like to lose or stay the same, but bottom line what I really want is to still be on plan on Monday. That is the most important thing.

The striving to "perfect" always did me in. I am not perfect and never will be, and I no longer expecting that of myself. I am learning that however I am wired, I will never be perfect, I don't think I have it in me. But that doesn't mean I can't get the job done, it just might be later rather than sooner. And finally I am OK with that. I still think I need to rev things up a notch, but all in good time.