more than just talking about it

Sucking...

It's hard to admit that you are not doing as well as you should be. This week I had a gain. Oh well, next week will be better. But it won't unless I get off my ass!

Because I was so unhappy with the fact that I gained, I looked this morning and when I started back in February last year, I had a loss for the first 22 weeks straight. Then for the next 20 weeks, I had a mixture of losses and gains. Still losing a good 20 lbs those second 20 weeks, but I lost 62 lbs those first 22 weeks. I had never looked at it like that before. And when I did the math, I had gains 9 of of 20 weeks. I did not think I was screwing off that much, because overall I was still losing. I am 100 lbs less so I might lose slower than in the beginning, but I am also exercising so I should be able to pull off losses like in the beginning IF I stick to my 1800 calories, every single day NO EXCEPTIONS. That is the difference between the first 22 weeks and the 2nd 20 weeks. I had a small gain this week. So same shit as the last 20 weeks in 2011.

I have to stick to my 1800 calories EVERY day no matter what else I do that day. That has to be the ONE thing I accomplish every day. So that is my new mindset. Nothing else matters right now!

I think part of the problem is that I am in the habit of making "exceptions" and things are just sooooo much better now. I can clean my house, shovel the walk, I feel better, I look better. But better than what? Better than death's doorstep that I was on. If this is that much better, I can only imagine what the next 100 lbs will feel like. So I am picking myself up, dusting myself off and starting today I will be perfect every day!

Wednesday - Edited to add:
Looking at those numbers in that way was a pretty harsh reality. I had let go of being "perfect" a long time ago and never realized it. Head in the sand all over again. I am proud of losing the weight, but know that I could have done so much better. So it has stopped. I used to write down how many days in a row I had been perfectly on plan and then somewhere I wasn't perfect and that number became how long I had been on plan (perfect or not) then with my new year, I quit writing the number all together. I thought, I don't care how many days I have been on plan. I TOTALLY lost sight that it was supposed to be how many days I was PERFECTLY on plan. So on Monday I wrote a "1", Tuesday I wrote a "2" and today I will write a "3". I know how to do this, but for me, it means staying on plan 100% of the time and instead of making exceptions, finding a way to stay on plan no matter what the situation. It CAN be done, if you set your mind to it. That is what works for me. Add in my 5 days at the gym and you will have one hell of a success!!! And by perfect I simply mean staying under 1800 calories, that's all.

So for me I feel a little humbled. And determined as hell!