340.6 is what the scale said this morning. Back up to where I was. Not my highest of 345.8. but darn close. As you suspected, I haven't been on plan since my last post. It really bums me out that I cannot manage to stay on plan more than a week or 2. It doesn't make logical sense. I know I need to do this, I know what it is costing me. But somehow I mange to turn a blind eye.
I should be back on plan today, but I am fearful of continuing to do the same thing because I will continue to get the same results. So my plan for today is not really to be "on plan" but not snack. If I didn't snack in between meals that alone would cut out so many calories and massive amounts of sugar. At this point, I am going to see if I can lose 1 lb a week with a less restrictive plan that I will stay with. When I am on plan, my snacks are healthy and moderate, but then when I go off, they are more frequent, pure sugar and loaded with calories. I need to find a way to change my habits. So I am trying to put less focus on food. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. That's it. Simple, simple.
A dear friend of mine and I were brain-storming about why I am like this...here is some of what she had to say.
So what’s holding you back and sending you off-plan over and over again? I think it’s the role that food plays in your life. Food is SO much more than fuel for you. Let’s make a list – it’s: recreation, escape, comfort, your best friend, enjoyment, a feel-good drug, entertainment, fun, satisfaction, a reward …. YOU fill the blank! The fact that the purpose of food is to nourish your body is almost irrelevant to you. Because, for you, it’s so very much more and what it does for you has almost nothing to do with nutrition.
I think the reason that it’s so difficult for you to stick to your plan is that you have a very hard time giving up all these things that food does for you. It’s part of every aspect of your life. Just like you posted in your blog, not having your favorite drug of choice leaves a huge void in your life that makes you very uncomfortable and maybe a little sad? Food (lots of yummy food) makes you feel good, and not having it makes you feel bad. Not having your food is almost as if someone you loved died or moved away and is gone from your life. I think it might be that simple.
I read something recently that said that human nature is always to do what feels good. Food feels good to you, and you go along sticking to your plan for a while, and then you snap and it’s like falling into the arms of your lover. You feel guilty, but it feels sooo good at the same time.
The question is: how to change the role of food in your life? How can you make food be fuel for your body but not the source of pleasure in your life?
So that's what I am trying to do. Not make food the source of pleasure in my life. I have an appointment with my weight loss doctor today. I am going to ask her to prescribe me a anti-depressant. I think it might help me get past the being sad and missing my food.
Thank you guys for caring enough to ask. I know how easy it would be to let me fall by the way-side and I really appreciate the comments.
6 comments:
Hi Sandi, I'm so glad to see your post. I know it is hard to come here and talk about being off plan but staying away probably just makes you feel worse. Re: asking for an anti-depressant. Have you tried any weight loss meds? My doctor prescribed me Meridia last year (before we started trying for a baby) and in the few months that I took it I was losing at least 2-3 lbs a week without trying. I know it is not a cure all, the weight comes back if you don't keep up a weight loss regime once you stop taking it but my thought at the time was that I needed a boost to get started and if we hadn't decided to try for another baby I think it would have suceeded. Anyway just my 2 cents. Please keep coming back regardless of what the scale says. Good, bad, I think you need to talk about it, maybe it will help, can't hurt anyway!
Jen
I agree with everything, every last word you said here. I have noticed the same feelings the last week. It's sad, anticlimactic, boring, like the light has been taken out of my life. Eat at home, boring, dull, routine, i'm already bored with the menu. Luckily for me, I had a terrible nightmare last nite about my health (the jolted awake kind)that scared the bejeezers out of me and drove a strong desire to wake up and stay on plan today. I hate the dreams, but they have their place.
Anyway, my sis works in a cardiologist's office and they see a ton of people pass thru their for their pre-wls physical cardio assessments. After the last 5 years of increased traffic for this, the staff there has kind of made an assessment after talking to these folks and just sharing with them. And that is..."obesity is more about what's going on in the head than what's going on in the stomach." That REALLY was a wake up call when she said that to me. I think they're really on to something.
Sandi, we would NEVER give up on you...so you shouldn't either....
Jeanette
That's a very wise friend you have there, Sandi, and her theory makes perfect sense.
Understanding why you eat the way you do goes a long way towards figuring out a way to tackle the underlying problem that makes weight loss so difficult. Once you have all the tools, you can go about fixing it.
Hang in there, sweetie - we're all hanging in there with you!
Jill
((hug)) This weight loss stuff is super hard and it's worse when we know we can do it but don't. I finally had to be put on an anti-depressant a few months back and I think that's what's really helped me to stay on plan and stay focused so long. I don't let little things get me down and discouraged anymore. My doc even said she had seen a study for the drug where they prescribed it in a weight loss clinic and those on it did better than those without it.
Hi Sandi. I hope you are well. Hang in there!
Tai
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