I am back to it...back to jumping from one idea to another, fooling myself into thinking that I just need something new. My latest lapse of judgment is the Dr. Oz book, "You on a diet". It's all about getting healthy...no hydrogenated oil, no sugar, no high fructose corn syrup, no enriched flour and nothing white. Doesn't that sound great!! I'll just buy that book, read it and do that plan. Then I'll be healthy and thin!! Isn't it great!!!
Oh, but then there is the fact that I can't even manage to limit myself to 1800 calories a day right now, how the hell do I think I am going to stick to that?!?!! This is what I do when I know I am off plan and I don't want to face the fact that I am off plan. I run around jumping from idea to idea. This way it looks like I am actually doing something...when in fact I'm not.
Ok, so there it is. I am not on plan. I am very much off plan. Add this to my very blah attitude and what do you have? Someone on the verge of gaining it all back. Now 13 lbs may not be much, but it's a start and it's my step in the right direction. I was going to be on plan today...then I woke up. It does it every time!!! I know I just need a few days of being on plan & exercise to get my mojo back. I really hate the fact that I am so black & white, but I am. I'm either on or off.
So, I PROMISE to eat no more than 1800 calories tomorrow (11/16). No sneaks, no skims...everything gets written down. Period. It's a start and it's the best I can do right now.
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6 comments:
Sandi - as always, you're brutally honest with yourself. :)
I agree, you're at the crossroads right now. You've been down this road so many times before and you know what's going to happen if you keep on doing what you've always done in the past - gain the weight back, right? And where does that leave you?
Right here, right now - this is where the rubber meets the road ... it all boils down to what you do NOW. Get back on that horse and ride it!!
Trust me, there isn't any secret, special, magical plan out there that makes weight loss easy and painless! You already HAVE a plan - you don't need a new one. What you have to do now is work the plan you have and live it, every day. Consistency, baby!
What do you think would happen if you stuck to your 1800 calories and exercise plan for a month? Three months? A year? Do you think you would be disappointed? (I don't)
You have the tools. You have the knowledge. You have the plan. Ask yourself what you want most and then go and get it.
Love ya!
Sandi,
I've been following your progress for a few years now-both as a lurker/occasional poster(terrificpig) at 3FC and now reading this blog- and I continue to marvel at your honesty and self-awareness.
I agree with Meg-try to stick with the 1800 calorie/day program. It seems like one you could maintain for life. The new plan you're considering (no refined flour, white sugar, etc.) seems like it might limit your enjoyment of life too much to be a viable option
Above all, though, know that this reader/lurker/supporter sees you as a loving mom, wife,friend,daughter, and successful teacher. Please remember that YOU are NOT your WEIGHT-you are much more!
Fondly,
Mary from RI
Hi Sandi- I'm in the exact same boat. EXACT. I had lost 20 and am on my way to the big regain. I have no desire to do this right now. I am very much black and white as well. I know that if I continue on, it will only mean more gains, and not nice feelings about myself. I do have a plan to get back on it, but I am waiting until after the holidays only because I really KNOW myself.
I really feel like I should start now. I don't know why I can't get my mind to believe that this is the right thing to do. It's easy to say "Yes" I am doing this now". It's hard to follow through with it especially when your heart and mind aren't with the sentiment.
I hate being in this state of mind, however,eventhough it happens, its not ok to keep eating ourselves to death.
My timing right now sucks for dieting. That IS an excuse, but its really how I feel. While I want to be able to tell you to keep going, don't stop you can do it now, I'd feel like a phony because I myself can't even get it together.
I can honestly say, I know exactly what you're going through right now. Let's make a pact. Lets pick a dedicated start date, build up our motivation, and get this weight off. I know most would say PICK TODAY and I wish I HONESTLY could start today. There really there is no reason why I can't except for the fact that if I did I'd be lying to myself at this point. I just don't have the correct mindset.
This is what I KNOW:
It's not OK to be like this. But I understand. Can we help each other??
Whadda ya say??
Ditto absolutely everything Meg said.
It's not about the plan, it's about how you work the plan you're on.
This is within your grasp Sandi, you just have to reach for it and hold on as if your life depended on it, because, in all honesty, it really does, doesn't it?
Make yourself accountable to others if that’s what it takes. Make this something that lets others down if you let yourself down. Not because it’s a good way or the right way to go about it, but because it’ll probably work until you can get yourself doing for you. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be right for you, that’s all that matters. Keep your promise to yourself today Sandi, and then do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. One day at a time, you CAN do this.
Bev
I'm struggling with what to say to you, Sandi. I understand your words so completely because it often feels like you're writing my own life story!
I'm so grateful that others here can say the things I feel but just can't verbalise at times. Sometimes it feels too easy just to say "It can be done, trust me!" because every single time I tried and failed I refused to believe it was possible.
So what will it take for you to believe it? Being fair to yourself and giving yourself a fair chance to prove that you can do it is a good start. Like everyone's said, its not a great secret. You have to eat less and move more. You know that. You've experienced that and it worked for you! I know how its so easy to fall back after that first slip. I truly do know that.
You have to get it into your brain that you just can't go on like this. Be brutally honest and convince yourself it IS a matter of life and death and nobody can save your life but you. If you truly feel you can't do it, then it may be time to revisit the surgery idea. I know you don't want to do that.
PROMISE to give it a month, see the results and then PROMISE to give it another. Don't promise Steve or Jacob or your Mum or the ladies at work, PROMISE YOURSELF!
Love ya kiddo and am supporting you all the way :)
Sandi,
I just found your blog. I was riveted to your post because I, too, jumped on the Oz bandwagon about 3 weeks ago. AFter I saw him on Oprah, I was sold! Bought the book, started on online email group, the whole kit and kaboodle. And, now I'm at a place where I was doing great for 2 weeks and then not so good and finally to this place...pecan pie.
Ack!
Keep the faith and keep posting!
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