Sober...again

I promised that I would be on plan today and I am. But to be honest, it took the promise to get me there. Even last night as I went to bed (11:00 ish) I was a little panicked because I knew when I woke the "eating" would be over. I even looked around to see if there was anything quick I could eat at the last minute. (there wasn't whew!) And when I woke up, I was on plan. I have that calm, I'm on plan, no big deal feeling that I get. Like I said, with me, I am either on or off. Very black & white.

So why is it OK today and it wasn't yesterday. I think because I was too close to the edge and I knew it was do or die time. I have too many people involved this time. 8 weeks ago when I set myself up for success, I really did a good job. I have 2 people I have to PAY if I have a bad day. And this is no silly game, on Monday, I forked out $40.00 for my bad days. But it's not really about the money...when I pay, it's not all warm & fuzzy, it's having to face them and hearing about how I need to do better and how can we can we plan for a successful week. They are serious and it makes me be more serious. And my trainer at the gym is expecting me 3x each week. She even called to see if the doctor had cleared me.

Normally, 8 weeks into a plan, when I go off, I'd be off until I gained it all back and in this case, until after the holidays. I would usually hide, and then resurface and start over. But there is no stopping this time. Yes, I have been pulled off to the side of the road and have been losing time, but I am still in this thing!! Today I pulled back in the race and it feels good.

I really need to get some weight off. I don't want to get sick and die. I'm not done yet. There are some things I know without a doubt...

• I have the ability deep inside me to lose this weight
• I have the tools to lose this weight
• 1800 calories daily and exercise 5 days a week will cause me to lose weight every week
• I am not alone

I was watching biggest loser last night. To see Marty now just blew me away. And he only lost 140 - can you imagine me losing 200. I'll need an extra seat for my big head!! :)

Thanks for the comments!! You guys are just the best!! You always know just the right thing to say. I appreciate you more than you'll ever know.

Meg - I have been thinking about the rubber hitting the road all day. :)

Mary - Thanks for the support - nice to see you out of lurker status

Gretchen - I'm with you baby all the way!! We both know we can do this, it's just getting on the job and getting it done. I respect you for being honest enough to know your not ready right now. If you aren't ready, you won't do it. Plain and simple. When you are ready, I know you will light it up and then we can work on this together!!

Bev - I think I do need alot of accountability right now. At some point it will become just what I do, but for now, it needs to be expected of me.